What am I actually

It's confused to know what am i sometimes. I have a body, humanoid. But what's inside me nobody knows and I am confused with myself too. Sometimes I ask myself, do you have something to do with your life and what's your plan? I hardly answer it cause i'm not sure about that. People tend to have dreams in their life but mine seems to be a little bit far away from me and it sound like hard to achieve but I still hope I can do it someday, to learn something new, travel somewhere else and meet new people in life or perhaps do something meaningful.

  Some people dream of becoming a politician, which to me i think they are filthy and corrupted. Some people dream of becoming an economist, which i don't really care about as long as the currency stay stable. Some people dream of becoming some famous kid in just one night with millions of views on Youtube. As long as they can achieve their dream, it's worth all. But when i ask myself what am I and what i want, i don't know how to answer cause those dreams seems to be so far that I'm afraid not to dream of it as if not achieving it is kinda sad and frustrating matter.

  There are a list of things that i wish to do:
I want to learn how to play musical instruments ; Family will not be supporting my choice
I want to travel to somewhere else alone ; I don't have so much money to do so
I want to set sail to somewhere else and not coming back ; I kinda need a corsair and tonnes of food
I want to live in the ocean ; I'm not a fish and I don't have gills
I want to move out from the house and live alone : I still have some responsibilities to my family
I want to become fatter as I'm underweight ; eating junk foods doesn't really helping me in gaining weight
I want to be a magical creatures, perhaps a devil ; Satan refuse to recruit me as his disciples
I want to study what I'm interested in ; A better pointer is needed in examinations and even I do so it's luck speaking whether to got the course that I desire to study
I want to hate all the people in this world ; Aries boy seems to have some problems in quarreling and hating people for a long time and I don't know people from all over the world
I want to hide myself in a box and live alone or with my bunny ; The reality will find us very quickly or instantly and bring us back to the reality, damn
I want to say more about what I want to do ; but there are still bunches of things i want to do and I won't be able to say it all here

  I wish to achieve my dreams but it seems too far, I love to read but I don't have much books and time to read. I love to draw but my drawing skill is utterly damn shit lousy, not even abstract. I love to eat but food seems to be disgusting sometimes.

  People tend to dream, but some dreams are just dreams as it's just imaginations. You are born to face the reality and this is the reality. Money can but you dreams, not all but most of them. I wish I have tonnes of money so I can travel, learn, buy things i like and have time to do whatever I like.

  Signifying nothing.

Forever

I am back, again. After two years since last post (or perhaps one and a half year) These days I've been working out with many things, which included my A-level studies in the town and the crush in the universe that caused a supernova or bigbang that i suggest that that IS a crush, so just let it be a crush. Not the crashing of airplanes recently and airplanes that gone MIA like #MH370 which is still a mystery about its location. But the crush of me and bunny somewhere in the conjunction.

  And finally, captain is with bunny now. The process wasn't that simple as I've been mentioning her since my last few post few years ago and definitely that's not easy. I don't write books like authors do, and i don't write poems like poets do. I write my own diary, my mood and my stories.

  She's fine, not perfect but fine. Not flawless, but that little flaws that made her such fascinating. I like the way she smile, she nod, she walk and of course her wavy hair at the end. Be original and herself, that's what she expressed. She works with her own way that people find it strange, but that's her. There's no need a change for others, either for me or others, being the way that you are, I'd love that.

  Problems will certainly arise, maybe someday in the future but we don't know. I am not a prophet that tells the future and Mayans that predict the future. I'm not. I'm just an ordinary boy with a slight depression sometimes. WE will encounters those problems together. They aren't that easy and maybe its tough, but don't ever stop by the problems. Face it and we will overcome it, that's what we'll do.

  I don't wanna lose her, I don't want to place this as a game or a gamble that I might lose everything in the end. I love my girl and I will always do.
  As a reply in the questions and also the statements, I DO, believe in forever. It will last eternal.